Hello there mommies and welcome to Mommy Tell All Monday, a place where we share all things related to motherhood. Today my friend Sara who is a pastor’s wife and adoptive/foster momma is going to share how she’s not That Mom.
I’m afraid that I won’t be “that mom”. I’ve fallen into the mommy comparison trap, except that I’m over comparing myself to others, but have yet to beat the enemy in myself. Comparing myself to the mom I was when I just had one child, the mother I was with two kids and finally comparing myself to how I used to be with three little ones.
I currently have a three year old daughter, a two year old son, a 16 month old son and an 8 week old son. I know right? My house is cray cray. As I slowly pick myself up off of the floor, which takes a while with a newborn, I’m coming to terms with the new mom that I’ll be with four children. It’s eating me up a little inside knowing that I won’t be “that mom”, at least during this season in my life with so many littles.
I won’t be crafting with my kids.
I won’t be exploring the backyard.
I won’t be making creative meals with hidden veggies.
I won’t be sitting in their rooms engulfed in a Lego project.
I won’t handle every punishment with love & logic.
I won’t remember to pray before our lunchtime meal.
I won’t turn the cartoons off after a half hour show.
I’m just surviving. That’s it. I read articles that tell moms to put their phones down, well mine is down. Most of the day you will find my phone plugged in on the counter, the only time I grab it is when I’m nursing (it helps with the sitting). I’m simply in a survival mode.
By the time I get everyone dressed for the day I’m back to nursing. Then little D poops again. After that diaper change I grab my 100th dryer.
While I’m folding those clothes While I’m throwing those clothes into a pile, Brooklyn needs some toys off the shelf. And for the rest of the day it’s go time. I’m a referee to my kids who throw fists like MMA fighters, I grab bottles when I’m cued by the 1 year old aimlessly wandering around the house crying, then someone new has pooped again and all the kids get hungry so we start the snack routine which leads to a clean up . . . and so on and so on.
My days are a whirlwind. My days are hard. My kids hear me scream a lot because a little guy is attached to my chest and for some reason my 2 and 3 year olds don’t listen to me the first time I ask them to not do something, or the second or third time. I never thought I would become a screamer, but after asking nicely so many times I can’t help but elevate my voice. I never thought I would need to give death glares, but I often do. With four children under the age of three I am turning into a mom that I never thought I would be and yet in this moment, I need to be okay with that. I need to accept that this might be a season of screaming and not shame myself for that- making my days feel even worse.
I recently told my husband that I’m almost positive my kids won’t look back at their young ages and remember me as the “fun mom” or even the “playful mom”. But I pray that they see I was a mom who met all of their needs. That I was a mom who was always present to listen to their stories even while my hands were working on feeding another baby. That they remember I was around to pick them up when they were hurt, even if it was for just a moment. I hope that they’ll know I was doing my best, and that if I had hands to do more I would have.
More than anything I want them to remember me as a “loving mom”. Because I might not be participating in all of the dance parties or playing kitchen often, but man do I love them, all four of those crazy babies. I love them with every ounce of me and I know that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them even more, and for that I am grateful. He is the one who gives me the strength minute to minute to meet the needs of my kids. I often hear people say “God will never give you more than you can handle,” but I believe that He does. I think He can give you heavy loads because He wants you to rely totally on Him. So in my survival mode I’m leaning on Him, and eventually when I get a better grasp of this life with these littles, I know He’ll bless me with some “playful” and “fun” moments as well.
My name is Sara and I blog over at Simply Sara about my little family and our foster and adoptive experiences as well. Feel free to stop by and say hello!
(photo credit I Heart Nap Time)
I have known Sara since high school and it’s so inspiring to ‘see’ her mother her littles and even more so because she is so REAL. Her blog is one of my favorites to read and if she had more time, I’d insist that she write everyday *wink*.
Thanks for stopping by, see you tomorrow!