Hello mommies and welcome to Mommy Tell All Monday, our weekly blog series that focuses on motherhoood!
Today I have a friend who is going to share one of her greatest mommy struggles that turned into one of her greatest mommy blessings. Such a beautiful story of adoption to close out the month of November, National Adoption Month. Let’s read how this mommy considers herself the lucky one.
“Mom”! A name I’ve wanted all my life. I am the youngest of 4 siblings and all I did growing up was babysit and dream of being a Mommy some day. I wanted a large family…6 kids!
I met my husband David when I was 19. We married 9 months later and I immediately wanted to start a family. My husband, however, wanted to wait until he was further along in his education at ASU and closer to a steady salary paying job. He’s smart…I just wanted babies and I didn’t care about anything else! Good thing he’s smart. 3 years later, we decided it was time. 1 month later, we were pregnant! Phew…my biggest fear of not being able to get pregnant wasn’t going to come true. Quite the opposite really. Pregnant on our first attempt! Awesome!
I had a DREAM pregnancy. Not sick even once…never even nauseated. I loved every mili-second of my pregnancy. I went in for my 38 week check up and the doctor found that I was leaking amniotic fluid. To the hospital I went to be induced and get our baby girl here! I was so excited! I was ready to go into labor, have this baby, and go home a family of 3 a couple days later. Well, that wasn’t the plan for us.
7 days, 28 hours of labor, a non-functioning epidural, 3 emergency surgeries, a healthy baby girl (thankfully), and a very sore and weak Mama later…we were home as a new family of three. Delivery from hell to say the least. 1 year later, we were ready to start trying for another baby. However, after a very traumatic delivery that almost took my life, I found out that it wasn’t going to be so easy this time…and possibly never going to happen again. After 3 1/2 years of going to Los Angeles for surgeries with a hysteroscopy specialist and many many appointments with fertility specialists here in the valley with failed fertility procedures, we came to the realization that this truly wasn’t going to happen. Finally doctor’s advised us that getting pregnant wasn’t a good idea after all because of how weak and fragile my uterus now was. The high risk doctors told us to stop trying and to put my health first. “What??? I don’t care about myself. I will be fine. I NEED to get my babies here and I want to do it now!!” I couldn’t quite grasp what the doctors were telling me. I wasn’t ready, nor willing, to accept it. If it weren’t for my daughter Kylee, I probably would have disregarded the doctor’s advise and went with my gut feeling. But my husband convinced me that I needed to stay on this earth and make being a mother to my already earthly child a priority. How could I possibly deny that! She was my #1 priority and she needed me….ALL OF ME!
After many tears, sleepless nights, hours and hours spent on our knees….our Father in Heaven answered our prayers and lead us in a different direction. We knew without a shadow of a doubt that adoption was the way we were going to bring our future babies into our family. Scared? Excited? Anxious? Nervous? I didn’t know what I was feeling the strongest but all of these emotions flooded my heart. But I couldn’t deny the confirmation that was sent to my heart and soul. I knew this was what we needed to do.
So we researched adoption agencies and explored our options. We decided that adopting through our church was the definite way to go. LDS Family Services was our first and last phone call…and we were on our way into this unfamiliar world of adoption.
After 3 months of interviews and ENDLESS paperwork, we were finally certified! We were so excited. We had online profiles with a couple different websites. We were so excited every time we heard from a birth mother. A year went by and we had been in contact with about 10 different birth mothers. 3 of them seemed very promising. We had received ultrasound pictures, gender reveals, and details galore about our birth mothers and what potentially awaited us. All of those birth mothers stopped communicating with us out of the blue. Left us hanging! Never did we get closure or find out WHY. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I was so discouraged. 3 1/2 years of infertility and failed fertility treatments and now another year of a whole new kind of heartache with birth mothers. I couldn’t handle it anymore. My heart was done. On top of all that, we were in WAY over our heads with debt and medical bills from all the uncovered fertility treatments and surgeries in California. We were never going to be able to pay this off. After much prayer, we decided to let our certification expire (it’s only good for a year and then we have to pay another $1,000 to renew). We rented out our house and moved an hour across the valley to live with my parents for a year so we could pay off our medical bills. I was so discouraged but felt in my heart that this was the right thing to do at the time. It was a huge leap of faith. Everything felt wrong about this decision, except that I got a confirmation from my Heavenly Father that this was right. So we packed up and moved our family (Kylee was going into 1st grade at the time).
The first Sunday we were at my parent’s house, we went to church with them in their ward. I was missing home…all our friends and family out in Queen Creek where we left so abruptly. I didn’t feel like going to church but somehow that’s where I ended up that morning. During one of the meetings, a sweet lady was giving a lesson on overcoming our trials and remaining faithful. Meant to be right!? It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Then the lady shared a personal story about how she adopted her 3 children and that it took 9 years for her to get her first child. WHAT?! 9 YEARS?!! And I “gave up” after just 1 (well, 4 1/2 if you count the infertility period). But still….how could I be so selfish!? My future babies were just waiting for me and I let them down by giving up. It was a HUGE reality check for me.
After church was over, I spoke to the lady who gave that lesson and she invited me over to her house so we could talk more. That was the best meeting of my life! Many tears were shed and it was just what I needed. She referred me to the LDS Family Services office just up the road from where my parents lived. I met with a new caseworker a few days later and in a couple weeks, she got all our paperwork renewed and we were current with our certification again. It felt right and I was relieved!
A few days later I got a text from my friend. “Are you still looking to do adoption?”. I immediately texted her back…”YES! Why?” She then called me and said she had a friend who knew someone that was pregnant and looking to place her baby. I was excited, but hesitant still because I had heard this type of scenario many times before. Nothing ever came from those referrals in the past. But still, something felt different with this one. I told my friend to give this girl our blog address and my email address. The next morning, I got an email! I read the title of the email…”You don’t know me, I read your adoption blog”. I didn’t even read the email before I fell to my knees and bawled bawled bawled! The title of that email was my instant confirmation. I KNEW we had found our birth mother. It was the most surreal moment of my life.
After 3 weeks of communicating with this birth mother, she told us that she had picked us. I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday. We had found our baby!! We set up a visit right away and went to California to meet our amazing birth mother, then 6 months pregnant with our son. That meeting was amazing and the moment that we fell in love with the world of adoption.
Our Carter Aaron was born on November 7th, 2011 at 5:01am. The most momentous date and time in our families life. We now have a great relationship with our birth mother. She is eternally part of our family and we love her more than words can express. She is the most selfless person we have ever met. We are eternally grateful and indebted to her for giving us the most amazing gift a person can give another person. She gave us the gift of life! Without her, our family wouldn’t be complete.
Going through infertility….we were considered the unlucky ones. But oh no….OH NO! We are absolutely positively counted as the luckiest people in the world BECAUSE we are a part of the world of adoption. I’m so thankful for this trial. I’m so thankful for a loving Father in Heaven. I’m so thankful for His plan for me and my family. I can’t believe he picked me to have this trial and therefore, be able to be blessed beyond belief with our sweet precious perfect Carter baby. I love my family and couldn’t have written my life story better than what my Father in Heaven had, and still has, in store for me. I am the lucky one!
Stefany, mommy of 2
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